Its had a major effect on how I discipline my middle child, to often we go head to head, mum gets upset and well he gets off, with a sorry thrown in for good measure. While no one liked the situations we were getting ourselves in, he couldn't connect his behavior and my reaction. For me it was complicated by an underlying feeling that good mum's don't get angry.
For the last couple of weeks their has been progress and boundaries. Failure to be part of the family activities has left him in an extended room-time, meals are served, visitors are allowed, hugs are given, doors are open. But in his room he has been requested to remain. He will stay there, with appropriate time off for good behavior until he complies with the request that he does his chores, tidies up and gives his school work an honest effort. I have no idea why he complies with this request and not the actual please do maths. Slowly we are making progress - not just in the urgent issues but in consequences for actions. He values his time with the family, he's sorry for what he's been doing, he sees change as possible and good and he knows he's loved. No one is getting angry - no one is getting hurt, change is happening. Good change.
The other situation is harder. Although maybe the solution is the same. It's an ongoing discussion on relationship and respect. The person concerned is sure they have done nothing wrong, and that tolerance is the way to go. I'm not sure what tolerance means - I suspect that it is somewhat short of love and respect, missing on understanding and relationship. It isn't agreeing that we are in relationship and accepting we see the world differently. I suspect it is more you are stuck with being nice to us and we will do what we want and you will smile sweetly while we push you around. Umm... Love has been patient for a long time. In truth love has also given way to that which is unlovely but I'm working on that. Relationship has made it painful. Maybe the time has come for boundaries here also so that we can respectfully require tolerance to be limited by respect. Love hopes for relationship, understanding, and an acceptance that realizes give and take is necessary, disagreements are possible but that rudeness is not. Love realizes that those who God gave us to love are not always those we would choose.
Across the board love is what encourages us to grow, to learn, to get back up and keep trying. Love is what reminds us that we are made in God's image, in his likeness. It is the measure of our surrender to him and his ways. As this year unfolds I am glad that God's love keeps trying, forgiving and calling me to do the same. I'm grateful that rather than leaving us locked in the patterns of the past - God turns the key and lets us discover the freedom of being able to do things differently next time.
1 comment:
A very timely post. Thanks for sharing. :) Disipline is hard for me as well @ times. And I find that my children respond so differently, what works for one doesn't work for the other etc. I am learning so much about my own relationship with the Lord, through being a Mom. I never knew both the blessings and the hertache I would experience as a Mom, but it is all worth it. And God is so faithful to provide grace for each day.
Blessings,
Molly
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