Growing

I've learned a lot this weekend - not all that I've learned has been put into practice - some of it is long term goals.

It's been a weekend of realizing how for our family relationship is essential. We can handle life without all the trimmings... but life without that connection and approval of being taken as who we are... that's priceless for us.

For 16 years now I've been waiting for a conversation - a hi how are you, how's ....whatever going from a particular person that God has placed in a central position in my life. A person who has had many special moments with their friends bragging about our achievements, photos of us, etc but has never stopped to find out who we are.

As people we are opposites - success for them, avoiding anything domestic, avoiding work and fun well I think fun is anything with a price tag.

When they come and stay - my safely net is to carry on doing the things I enjoy, I cook for them, this time when they were otherwise occupied I tried to catch up on a couple of those things that you can do and still carry on a conversation, but not feel like you are sitting waiting for them to start one.

Unfortunately the inability to understand each other - meant that they felt guilty and pressured to help. I simply felt judged as not being good enough. Strange how a high flying accountant who discovered the joy of homemaking and homeschooling could be reduced to someone inconsequential by a tirdae of I'll do that for you you sit down and rest...honest I was resting as I sat back and ironed ...in a strange thoughtful type of way.

Yes they will never understand why someone would give up a successful career - preparing audit reports for international companies in order to be a stay at home mum always juggling the budget and not able to give her kids the good things in life.

They think they know... they have done the parent thing - but not from my perspective, not in contrast to the meaningless nature of spending hundreds of thousands of dollars to tell an international company that the financial accounts are ok, and knowing that even if we said they were not ok no one would really care. Compare that to baking a fresh batch of pinwheels for a mid week picnic...

I still have to work on figuring acceptance into my life - the realization that they will never get it, and continuing to love them regardless. See lots of space for growth now i just need to work on the self control part to put it into practice.

Lots of lessons for me with the kids as well. On Monday we start back into studies, the journey to a home learning environment and the realization that I'm despite my protests we are still doing school at home means more softening, more relational more interaction is coming. I'm looking forward to the journey.