Another battle - a new ending

Slowly we are moving forward again. slowly.

My boy has turned from the defiant challenging I don't get it lad of last week to a listening, trying to be good. At least the discussions are promising. We aren't always succeeding, but he is trying.

He did manage to do his morning work today with a good attitude, and in a timely way. He wanted it to be right.

This afternoon the effort got to be a little much, and we had to work hard to not fall back into old habits.

I want to be hopeful, that soon we will round that corner where schoolwork becomes something that we do, grow in and occasionally enjoy without all the fuss.

Still Three At Home

After much discussion and soul searching,

After the encouragement of many ladies who have walked this path before me,

After apologies and prayer,

And with the realization that if it takes him until 18 to decide that he needs an education it is OK, after all he is a bright boy, he just doesn't realize it or see the need to learn.
My engineer gets to stay at home rather than heading off to school with Dad on Monday.

While we hope that he has come to see the light I need to be prepared for the idea that he possibly hasn't. I need to prepare myself for the likely slow down on Monday. He has however been lovely this weekend, helping, finding opportunities to do right and letting me know where he is at in healthy terms.

For my part which is probably the most important - I need to believe in him even if he chooses not to work. To believe that when it matters to him he will be able to catch up.

• I need to remember to only work on one thing at a time, and prayerfully. I always want to fix everything in one clean sweep. ( I used to be an accountant - with numbers anything is fixable - every ledger is balance-able kids simply aren't they don't sit in neat columns. ) I probably need to repeat that ...
  
  
• I need to free myself from trying to prove to everyone else that homeschooling him is a better option - proving that we can succeed isn't healthy for anyone here - it only adds more pressure. Pressure neither of us cope well with. (Dad's on board with this too - he's come a long way in not rocking the boat when we don't do things like his school does.)
  
  
• I need to remember that there are hundreds of Home school scope and sequences out there - none of which are designed to fit my three.
  
  
• I need to also remember that for me and the kids why we do something is as important as doing it. We are why people, its why I struggle so much with the writing curriculum's I choose - I simply don't understand the why in a way that makes it hang together.
  
  

• I need to remember to surrender - to rest and let go of my need to control, plan and worry.

So now to prepare or not prepare for the week ahead.

Getting to the Heart of it

It seems that all to often I find my self changing curriculum because what we are dong has gotten to hard - or more specifically because the resistance has reached a point where I don't know what to do next.

For my daughter we seem to have reached the end of that phase she has enough of the basics down that learning languages has become fun, maths is slowly getting there and her reading is at a standard where she can enjoy at least some of what I ask of her.

My youngest simply gets on with it, he does what he does does it well and unless he is tired or confused can almost school on auto pilot.

My middle son greets each day with a pile of excuses and frowns. Nothing is good with school for him, and slowly over time he wears down my best intentions to come along side and take it at his pace. Eventually we find ourselves in a cycle where neither of us can give up the fight - the battle to be accepted as mum vs. an independent and persistent spirit. Once I get angry he will work, work well acheive and feel good about himself, but that doesn't change the inborn part that simply doesn't want to do school or dishes, or put away his things.

We have fallen into a cycle, a largely destructive one in which I try and be loving and gentle and he patiently waits for it to go bad again... which after a couple of hours of passive resistance it generally does. The cycle leaves both of us guilty, angry, hurt and depressed. It doesn't do much for the rest of the family either.

So where to find the energy to give it another go ... or is it time to send him off to school let someone else have a try, enjoy the honeymoon as he responds to someone else.

Out loving him seems to be beyond me, I cannot seem to love him enough to be content that he says "no" to school and to helping out with the rest of the family. Giving in and letting him have his own way seems unproductive. Given the choice to unschool and read science books all day receives a "I promise to be a good boy now just let me do school like the others." That is quickly forgotten the next time I ask him to come to the table. Prayer helps but slowly. Sometimes it seems like the relationship is beyond repair, sometimes at least till the day has a new start it is.

I usually end up wishing we could start over... go back to the beginning and take all that we have learnt with us.

A Round of Goodnights

Last night as I made my way through the goodnight routine, two of my kids settled into bed with new books from the library,

My youngest - simply wanted to be in control, and to have cuddles, he's still feeling the effects of the last cold/flu that swept through the house and is tired.

My Engineer is dreaming of making a hydrogen driven go-cart with his mates - or one mate. He is so excited! I'm just not sure that the reality of the situation and his talents at this time live up to his dreams. OK in truth I see a petrol motor filled with water and? but his efforts in planning and designing are amazing. Time to bring the physics teacher Dad on board I think.

My Artist brought home a book on drawing pets. She was really excited to see how to draw cats and dogs and fish. I think she had made a couple of drawings already in the 3 hours since we had gotten home. It adds another dimension to the theory of Artistic pursuits.

There wasn't much sleep for the first part of the night but lots and lots of dreaming.

Another Ballet Exam Down

Yippee!!!

My daughter just finished her grade 5 Royal Academy ballet exam, which is probably the most stressful thing in her life ...

For three years she has been working hard to regain a mark over 75 in order to get a distinction. Most of her class is at this level, and for most of the year she holds her own in the class - until exam day. Then she comes unstuck. This year she is hopeful, we talked a little, I joked that I would give her a fun size chocolate bar for every mark under (the little bite size ones), we went skiing and kept busy... and since none of that made much difference we asked the ladies on our home-school support email group to pray.

She had a good exam. At least she remembers more of this exam than other years, and could tell me what she was working on and thinking about, and where she knows she went wrong.

So maybe this year, and if not we're proud of her pre-exam standard anyway.

This is from one of her art lessons last year...it seemed fitting

A Beautiful Day on a Beautiful Mountain.

Not this mountain - the one besides it, but this one is so tall and round ..its much more photographic.

July and August are ski season here, and looked forward to by the kids as a great break from the normal routine. This year we have had so much snow that the trip has been delayed over and over again. We snuck up twice in between storms and then last week we could look forward to a day when the mountain was clear, the winds low, the kids healthy, and yep we could go skiing.

Even for the views it was worth it, we came home exhausted, but happy.

Nothing else to do

What makes the routine normal?

For the last week we've managed to combine out of town guests and sickness. An interesting but regrettable combination. Its Gran and Gramp's annual visit and all the kids now have temperatures, sore throats, runny noses and are becoming couch potatoes. Fortunately the Olympics have been a distraction to the situation.

Tuesday was the last time we had any sort of routine. It has left me with the realization how important the breathing spaces in our day are. Our morning and afternoon tea, the space after lunch when I sit with a cuppa and relax, the moments before dinner when Dad comes home and we somehow re-group as a family.

Strangely many of our routines are centre on school or around food. Its strange what makes it all hang together - cups of tea or coffee or Milo and conversations or joking as we do the dishes. I used to hate dishes as a kid, now they are a respite to gather my thoughts, reconnect with the person drying/or washing and resettle.

The Ongoing Journey

With sending my engineer to school being somewhat out of the question, and him still continuing to resist Mum's attempts at teaching he has been let loose into the world of unschooling.

There are several reasons for this but mainly the realization that as much as this tension has taken its toll on me it has also taken its toll on him.

He is constantly down about school, and while I can get him happy in individual subjects it takes a hugh effort every day to get him there. Effort that is taking a toll on the Artist - who thinks mum has become lost somewhere on the kitchen table, and the Naturalist - who knows where mum is but isn't sure he will get to spend any time with her...

So we will be giving him a break to get himself sorted out. Realize that life and the family learning pattern won't stop and wait for him to get himself sorted. His younger brother will be ahead of him within weeks. (Up to now I had been pacing the younger one to at least give the illusion of being a little behind his sibling. ) Time to realize what he is throwing away and maybe that the grass isn't really any greener on the other side of the fence.

Or if he truly is a different learner the option of plotting his own course and realizing what he needs to learn in order to be him. The latter is going to take some effort to convince me.. but just maybe he is different enough that he has a point. And isn't that the point of homeschooling.

In Grace and in Love

God is amazing - he constantly takes our fears and our failings and offers us a second chance. His love in picking up up putting us on our feet again, and in the meantime teaching us and making us grow.

This week has been full of examples of God bringing good out of what seemed wrong. The highlight the chance to lead worship for the first of our churches new reflective services - contemporary litergy, we're still working out what it will look like. Made more special was that this was one of those things that has always sat on my heart and yet is something that for the last 10 years has been frustrated by circumstances around me.

This was a week to re-address the need to work with the kids one on one where they are at - and enjoy them.

A week that finished on a mountain in the snow - and after a day where everything seemed to go wrong. As we walked away I had an undeniable feeling of joy for a day which stripped away some of the frustration and revealed what could be achieved if I put love first.

There is much to thank God for this Saturday as we come to worship. Much to rejoice in.